After over a decade at Barrier Free Living’s Freedom House domestic violence shelter for people with disabilities,  Family Associate/Board of Education liaison Vangie Leon is still driven by the spirit of love and compassion that she discovered when she started the job.

We caught up with Vangie to talk about the work she does with children, the challenges she faces and the lessons she continues to learn.

BFL:

Tell us how you first became familiar with Freedom House, and what drew you to working here. Also, tell us a little bit about the work you do day to day.

Vangie:

I honestly did not know anything about Freedom House. I was comfortable and perfectly content working at another shelter. I was given a choice to provide educational services to the children at Freedom House along with two, and eventually three, other shelters without any co-worker support. I am fully persuaded, now more than ever, that God answered my prayer for guidance in this decision. Working at Freedom House has been one of my greatest blessings! Not only because of the lovely families I have met, assisted and learned from, but also the amazingly resilient staff. In the, almost 12 years, I have worked here, many have come and gone, but the same Spirit of Love and Compassion still dwells here!
My main duties, as a school liaison, are to assist parents with school enrollment and school safety transfers, as well as attendance monitoring and improvement. This entails a lot more than the previous simple sentence, especially because I provide these services, and more, for four shelters. So, please forgive me, past, present and future, if I zip by you with that, “I have to meet a new family in 5 minutes that is in a site it will take me 15 minutes to get to…” look. With all this, I love what I do, especially at Freedom House; and if I dare complain, please remind me of this love.

BFL:

Can you share a situation where you were really proud/happy with the work you were doing.

Vangie:

Even as I age, I love learning new lessons. Such was the case, when a mother’s pleading for her child to be enrolled in a small, exclusive school. (This child had below average grades and attendance.) I went against my usual instinct to find another school and advocated for this child to be enrolled in her mother’s school of choice. Against all odds, she was accepted! Not a proud moment, but a very humbling one.

This experience taught me not to be presumptuous, but to go the extra mile for all children, regardless of what their records show. I must add: NEVER underestimate the One who answers prayers, especially on behalf of others.

BFL:

What are some of the challenges you face and how do you work through these?

Vangie:

Every job has its challenges, and one of the most conflicting ones I have is staying true to my responsibility to assist in improving the attendance of students in temporary housing. Often times, attendance is not the priority of our families. When the parents explain all that they are facing: health issues, financial hardships, depression… it’s understandable that school attendance is not as important to them.

It may be a process to show attendance improvement, but first is making sure their basic needs are met. Thank God we work in community and it’s a matter of communicating with the social workers, childcare, OT… and helping them understand that in the long run, good attendance is very important to the academic success of every child.

BFL:

What have you learned most from working with the residents and young residents at Freedom House?

Vangie:

I have learned that people are truly fearfully and wonderfully made. There is such promise, purpose and possibility in ALL people! I read this quote recently: “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” – Scott Hamilton. I’m not saying that this is the only disability, but it’s probably in the top three!

BFL:

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Vangie:

I use my allotted time to walk in freedom by learning from the One who has set me free. (My real answer is too long to write on this Spotlight article, but I welcome face to face conversations.)

Since 1990, Barrier Free Living’s community-based Secret Garden program has been working with survivors of domestic violence with disabilities providing counseling, support groups, occupational therapy and case management services.

During October’s Domestic Violence Awareness month, the team is busy with outreach, events and presentations. They also offer domestic violence related trainings year-round (view a short film about the trainings here). We touched based with the team, to take a closer look at what makes this dynamic program so unique and valuable.

What makes the Secret Garden unique?

“I think the dual focus on interpersonal violence and disability and how those two factors intersect with all of our clients’ various identities is so important. Many other agencies in NYC solely focus on intimate partner violence and do not uniquely consider situations through a disability lens.”

How does you team work together?

“We work together very close to make sure that our clients are getting the services they need. We usually check in with each other.”

“Collaboration is key to the success of our work and as a team.  Secret Garden staff communicates effectively to assist any client of the program. For example, as a Case Manager, I might become aware that my client is in need of counseling and thereafter, I would communicate the same to my supervisor who will then assign a Social Worker to start working with the client. Also, I am able to provide referrals to address clients’ concerns such as housing, counseling, legal services, financial assistance. As a team we work together to spread the word about Barrier Free Living and our specific services.”

“Our team works together by being extremely collaborative on shared clients. We are constantly checking in with each other and providing updates so the workers can be on the same page and present as a united front, especially to clients who may try to split. Additionally with our open door policy, even if workers do not share a client, we are all encouraged to draw from our colleague’s expertise and knowledge to best assist all clients.”

Can you share a success story?

“A client who was homeless came in for case management and counseling services. The case manager collaborated not only with the social worker but also reached out to (Barrier Free Livings’s) Freedom House (domestic violence shelter, view a virtual tour of Freedom House here) to secure her a spot in the shelter. In this way two programs were able to provide this client with services and a secure place.”

How do you grow and change as a team? 

“I believe being able to communicate, having a plan, knowing what the goal is, being able to delegate tasks, are what makes us grow and change as a team.”

“We grow through communication, staff meetings, informal and formal case conferencing, creating agency policies and procedures, and collaboration for clients.”

“Our staff meetings help us to grow and change as a team. That experience helps us to work closely and support each other, as we are going through a rough phase. Also, these meetings are very helpful for us to know what is going on with our team, clients and any news from outside organizations that would affect us.”

Last summer, after a domestic violence incident, Oliva was feeling emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually unsafe. She needed to find a way up and out for herself and her children.

“The (domestic violence) incident that took place on June 5th turned everything upside down for me,” says Olivia. “I needed to get away from this abusive relationship with my children’s father. (Barrier Free Living’s) Freedom House (domestic violence shelter) has been the catalyst to me gaining complete freedom from my abuser and my toxic past.”

It was during the process of filing a police report related to the domestic violence, that Olivia learned about her options for safe shelter. And she had to make some difficult choices.

“I had to stop working at my job; I had to take my sons out of their daycare; I even lost the apartment that was being renovated for my sons and I to move into,” she says. “I lost everything because I had to relocate. I needed to get away from this abusive relationship with my children’s father. I needed a real change. I needed to implement “no-contact.”

Olivia was guided to Freedom House (watch a virtual tour film of Freedom House here.).

During her first week at Freedom House, after moving her family into their new safe living space, she was assigned a social worker, a family coordinator, a housing specialist, and met with the on-site nurse and the occupational therapy (OT) team.

“I loved everything…I was able to navigate through the different resources that were offered at Freedom House,” she says. “l immediately connected with my social worker and was grateful that she, among other staff, were very supportive of my family. I loved that Freedom House offered activities for all residents, including the children. I loved that there was childcare so that I can freely attend classes such as anger group, DV support group, and OT.”

Working with the various teams, Olivia began to research her options moving forward, and decided to pursue her goal of being a nurse and of someday owning a home. She is currently studying nursing at Monroe College, a path that she set in motion with the support of the Freedom House team.

“During my time at Freedom House I have gained the most strength, encouragement, independence, courage, and focus that I could have ever developed on my own.” says Olivia. “This is the first time since my relationship with my children’s father that I have successfully maintained no-contact. It has been a liberating process where I have learned that I am a strong, smart, and worthy woman.”

When asked what she would say to people facing a situation similar to her, Olivia offers: “never lose hope.”

When Irma Williams joined the Barrier Free Living apartments (BFLA) social work team this past year, she brought a skill set she’d developed over a decade.

Originally from Guatemala, Irma grew up in lower Manhattan and started out as a peer program assistant at Boom Health (formerly citywide harm reduction.) During her time at Boom, she earned a master’s degree in social work from Hunter College and was promoted to the social work team.

“I have a strong skill set. I have many tools in my tool box,” says Irma, who works with tenants in the singles building at BFLA. “My skills include harm reduction, cognitive behavioral and Freudian theories. There are different approaches to engaging with tenants.”

BFLA, which opened in 2015, offers permanent homes with support services to formerly homeless survivors of domestic violence, and has both a family and a singles building.

“If you have been surviving on the streets it’s a difficult transition. I find ways to guide tenants and provide resources to transition them from the mindset of being on the street toward being stable and independent,” she says. “Some tenants haven’t even unpacked. It’s like they are still living in shelter. I have to find ways to connect with tenants on a level where it’s most effective. Active listening is important.”

Irma was drawn to Barrier Free Living after she watched a short film on the agency website about Project Giveback, where former shelter tenants return to do service at the agency. (see the films on our website featuring mural artist Thomas here and on Vimeo.

“I saw that Barrier Free Living’s mission empowered people to seek independence, that’s what drew me to apply,” she says.

This October, Irma is the team leader for Barrier Free Living’s first clothesline project at BFLA, as part of domestic violence awareness month. The clothesline project, a nationwide phenomenon, is a community event where participants make T-shirts as a way to support survivors and increase awareness. The event is October 5 from 10am-3pm (more info. on this page).

“At my old job I used to see people sleeping across the street. To see someone have a place of their own is amazing.”

Deaf Awareness Month began in September 1958 as International Week of the Deaf, in commemoration of the first World Congress of the World Federation of the Deaf.
Barrier Free Living (BFL) has a long history of working with Deaf and hard-of-hearing clients and residents at our three domestic violence programs (Secret Garden, Freedom House, BFL Apartments).

For many years, Freedom House had hearing social workers and case managers fluent in American Sign Language working with our deaf residents. As a hearing social worker I have always believed it is important to have Deaf and hard-of-hearing team members at our programs.

After convening a focus group with current and former Deaf and hard-of-hearing residents to assess their needs, Barrier Free Living applied for and received a grant to hire a Deaf social worker and case manager (read more about that initiative here).

Earlier this year, these staff members (Barrier Free Living’s Deaf Services Team) joined our existing Deaf social worker at Secret Garden to work with Deaf and hard-of-hearing clients and residents and to conduct outreach to the hearing and Deaf communities.

Increasing the number of Deaf staff is only the beginning of Barrier Free Living’s efforts to improve its competency in working with members of the Deaf community.

In September, the interpreting agency All Hands in Motion began providing ASL (American Sign Language) 101 classes to Freedom House staff. For six weeks, staff in all departments – including maintenance, child care, social work, and resident aides – learn basic signs so they can better communicate with Deaf and hard-of-hearing residents.

At the first session, staff learned how to finger-spell their names, count to 10 and sign colors. Barrier Free Living’s Secret Garden staff will participate in the next round of ASL 101 classes. BFL plans to offer intermediate and advanced classes for staff who would like to further develop their ASL skills.

Barrier Free Living has also spent several months training staff on Deaf culture and domestic violence.

Deaf survivors face unique barriers in escaping domestic violence situations, such as difficulty communicating with hearing police officers and advocates. (Barrier Free Living Deaf Services team member Nicolyn Plummer’s upcoming article in October will cover this in-depth.)

It is best practice to provide interpreters for Deaf survivors, but hearing providers sometimes inappropriately rely on hearing children to interpret or they rely on written communication. There is a long history of Deaf people being discriminated against and seen as less intelligent or capable than hearing individuals, which can lead Deaf survivors to distrust hearing service providers.
On the other hand, Deaf survivors sometimes value the knowledge and opinions of hearing individuals, including abusers, their own children and service providers, more than they value their own.

As a hearing staff member, I have learned how important it is to communicate with Deaf and hard-of-hearing individuals in a culturally appropriate way, including using ASL instead of written English and speaking directly to the Deaf survivor instead of the interpreter.

I have also become aware of the long history of discrimination Deaf individuals face and why it is so critical that service providers, especially those of us who are hearing, empower Deaf survivors to tell their own stories.

Barrier Free Living is committed to a “barrier free world… free from abuse and bias”. Becoming more culturally competent about the reality of Deaf experiences and enabling Deaf survivors to better communicate with hearing providers is a key component of this vision. Deaf Awareness Month is a great time to start learning ASL and getting informed about the uniqueness of Deaf culture.

Contributor Sara Eldridge, LMSW, is the Assisstant Director of Social Services at Barrier Free Living’s Freedom House domestic violence shelter.  Sara is a licensed social worker who received a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College in 2015.  Sara has been a social worker at Freedom House since 2015, where she provides individual and group counseling to adults, children and adolescents. Prior to Freedom House she worked with youth in alternatives to detention and incarceration programs, student veterans and crime victims.

Contributor Sara Eldridge, LMSW, is the Assisstant Director of Social Services at Barrier Free Living’s Freedom House domestic violence shelter.  Sara is a licensed social worker who received a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College in 2015.  Sara has been a social worker at Freedom House since 2015, where she provides individual and group counseling to adults, children and adolescents. Prior to Freedom House she worked with youth in alternatives to detention and incarceration programs, student veterans and crime victims.

Since opening in 2006 as one of the only domestic violence shelters in the nation fully equipped to serve survivors with disabilities and their families, Barrier Free Living’s Freedom House has made great strides in working with not only adults, but children of all ages.

(Take a brief virtual tour of freedom house here)

Domestic violence impacts the entire family unit. Children may witness the domestic violence or may directly experience abuse.

Moving into a domestic violence shelter can be very disruptive for children who must leave behind family, friends and school and move into a new location.

Their parents may lack the time and resources to provide the support they need, especially if they’re focusing on finding a new job, obtaining permanent housing, and attending court dates.

Children with disabilities face unique challenges in abruptly moving to a shelter, including loss of services or adaptive equipment. For autistic children or children with developmental disabilities the change in their routine and environment can be very upsetting and take some adjustment.

The Coordinator of Family Services at Freedom House, a licensed social worker, runs a weekly support group for children ages 7 to 12 called “Express Yourself”. The group focuses on artistic activities that help children explore their emotions, such as creating masks to represent different parts of their personality, creating anger maps of the ways they feel and act when they’re angry, and emotion thermometers to help measure their emotions.

The children have a safe space to share their feelings with each other and brainstorm more positive ways to deal with negative feelings.

Freedom House’s childcare program also offers a number of community building activities for children, including arts and crafts, cooking classes, movie nights and pajama parties. During the summer months childcare take field trips to the movies and host a family barbecue.

When there are older adolescents and teenagers at Freedom House, the social workers offer teen groups. These groups use art activities and roleplays to discuss identity, relationships, and their experiences of living in a domestic violence shelter. One group watched the popular film Twilight and discussed the themes of power and control they observed ..
Domestic violence can be very challenging for children and it can sometimes be difficult for them to relax and allow themselves to be children. Social and recreational activities with other children, facilitated by trauma-informed staff, are important in giving children an outlet for their emotions while also allowing them to have fun and to heal.

When Bethelihem and her family arrived at Barrier Free Living’s Freedom House domestic violence shelter in 2014, the only thing on her mind was safety.  Not long into her stay, she discovered the power of helping others as part of her own healing journey.  Today, as a senior at  Hunter College of City University of New York (CUNY) pursuing a Sociology degree, Bethelihem decided that she wanted to give back to the shelter that gave so much to her family during their time of crisis. 

BFL:

What drew you to come back and volunteer at Freedom House?

Bethelihem:

I first came to Freedom house in February 2014 with my family. While staying here, we got the chance to talk about our situation with professionals which helped us to manage our emotions and to be hopeful about the future. I spent my time here going to different meetings and participating in several activities such as cooking, mommy & me (group) and potlucks.

I observed how the staff treated us and encouraged us to aim for great things despite what we went through which made me determined to impact other people’s lives. I decided to come back and contribute my part. I wanted to volunteer here because I wanted to be part of the great mission that Freedom House has for women and children.  They are doing a great job with women and children to move on and change their lives.

The other reason I decided to come back is because I used to teach children Amharic (the national language of Ethiopia) so I had experience with them and also I wanted to help children who are in the same situations once I and my siblings were in. I reached out to a staff member about my interest to volunteer this summer.

BFL:

What are some of the accomplishments and challenges you face as a volunteer at Freedom House?

Bethelihem:

I enjoy working with children so I’m having a great time. Some of the accomplishments are I got to meet many children from different backgrounds who are very talented and disciplined. I also get to see how the childcare staff handles different emotional situations of the children and I learned how to provide extraordinary care to them which helps the kids to grow emotionally and connect with their peers. I got the chance to meet parents and discuss ideas with the staff.

BFL:

Is there any particular memory of the experience that really stands out?

Bethelihem:
One time, I was helping a five year old girl with her homework which was so much fun and brought back memories about my experience when my siblings were at the same age. This little girl was interested in getting all the questions right and thoroughly understanding her homework. Her enthusiasm was very refreshing to me because despite her current situation, she was determined to learn.

BFL:
What will you take away from the experience and how might it impact you in your life going forward?

Bethelihem:

This volunteering experience has been teaching me important skills which I get to use every day and will hopefully continue to use in the future. I know Freedom House is doing a fantastic job in providing protection to domestic violence victims and the necessary help to go back to the community.  To be a part of this process makes me very happy.

I’m so grateful to the staff who helped us through our difficult time. Volunteering to help the parents and children gives me a great joy. As a former resident of Freedom House I and my family are a witness of the hard work of the staff who are dedicated to changing people’s lives for the better.

I’m proud of our accomplishments. My sister is going to be attending University of Rochester and my brother, Manhattan College. My youngest sister, who is now a tenth grader, preparing for the SATs and Regents. I want all the residents to know everything will be okay and they will do amazing things in their lives. I also would like to applaud them for fighting the difficult battles and that they made it through to feel they are safe at Freedom house.

BFL:

Can you share about your future plans, and also any hobbies or things you like doing in your spare?

Bethelihem:

I’m currently a senior at Hunter College pursuing a Sociology degree. I will graduate in fall 2018 and hope to work for an organization like Freedom House where I can utilize my academic skills and personal experience to help women and children and impact their lives positively. In my spare time, I like to read books, play with my siblings, cook, write Amharic poems and watch interviews.

Contributor Sara Eldridge, LMSW, is a Senior Social Worker at Barrier Free Living’s Freedom House domestic violence shelter.  Sara is a licensed social worker who received a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College in 2015.  Sara has been a social worker at Freedom House since 2015, where she provides individual and group counseling to adults, children and adolescents. Prior to Freedom House she worked with youth in alternatives to detention and incarceration programs, student veterans and crime victims.

Approximately 1 in 10 Americans age 60 or older have experienced elder abuse. Most of the perpetrators are family members, but can also include caregivers such as home attendants or staff at nursing homes or assisted living facilities.

Freedom House domestic violence shelter welcomes survivors of elder abuse, whether the perpetrator is a spouse, child, sibling, or caregiver.

Freedom House Equipped To Work with Elder Abuse Survivors

When elder survivors arrive at Freedom House, staff meets with them to assess their needs. Our living spaces are fully accessible including bathrooms with guard rails and roll in showers. (View a virtual tour of Freedom House here).

The on-staff Freedom House nurse performs a health assessment and will refer the survivor to new medical providers if it is not safe to continue seeing their previous provider. The nurse will also coordinate visits from home attendants and nurses so the elder can continue receiving care while at the shelter.

The Freedom House occupational therapy team will meet with the elder to work on activities of daily living, such as setting medication reminders, keeping the unit clean, or using accessible transportation.

The entitlements worker will meet with the elder to assist him or her in accessing benefits. For example, the elder may need to remove his/her abuser as a social security payee or open a public assistance account. Because there may be legal complications, Freedom House can assist with finding a lawyer. Barrier Free Living recently partnered with Sanctuary for Families to offer monthly legal clinics connecting residents with attorneys.

The social worker provides trauma counseling and case management, helping the elder process their complex feelings of guilt, shame, anger or sadness regarding the abuse and connecting them to services. The social worker also facilitates domestic violence support groups.

What Is Elder Abuse?

Elder abuse includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, as do other forms of domestic violence, but can also include neglect, deprivation and financial exploitation.

Neglect is a failure to provide an elder with necessities like food or medical treatment, while deprivation is actively denying an elder food, shelter, medication, or physical assistance.

Financial exploitation is withholding or misusing an elder’s financial resources, including through the power of attorney. Because many elders have physical or cognitive disabilities, they are uniquely vulnerable to these forms of abuse.

For example, an elder who is suffering from dementia may not realize he or she is granting a caregiver access to his or her financial resources. An elder who has mobility issues or chronic health problems may not be able to go to the doctor on his or her own or may need assistance monitoring his or her medication.

Many elders find it difficult to leave abusive relationships for a number of reasons. An elder who is being abused by a spouse or child may be reluctant to leave their loved ones and afraid of living on their own. If the abuser is a caregiver, the elder may worry about who will take care of them. When the abuser has power of attorney, the elder may require legal assistance to gain independence, which can be difficult or expensive to access. An elder with dementia may not realize that he or she is being abused.

A Freedom House Resident’s Story

One elder arrived at Freedom House after being verbally and physically assaulted by his son, who was living with him in a supportive housing facility.

A home attendant visited him several times a week, which Freedom House continued to facilitate. The social worker worked closely with the resident’s Adult Protective Services worker to ensure he continued to receive mental health, legal and other services. In addition, the social worker and housing team advocated for resident to be moved to a new, safe apartment at his supportive housing program. When the resident arrived, he was sad and angry about the situation with his son and reluctant to relocate. Over time, he began to process the abuse he experienced with his social worker and was willing to move somewhere safe with the assistance of the housing team.

A group of chefs brought food and joy to the tenants at Barrier Free Living (BFL) Apartments in the Bronx, NY last month. BFL Apartments offers permanent homes to survivors of domestic violence with disabilities and their families, as well as to single adults.

We caught up with Zack Pozzoboni, who organized the volunteer driven event, to find out what drew him to Barrier Free Living, and to ask if he would share the crowd favorite Banana pudding recipe.

BFL: What led you to volunteer at BFL Apartments?

Zack: We were looking for a location to cook on Thanksgiving , we met Jeff Fox (Foxy Management) and he told us about BFL. We felt like it would be the perfect place to do the event because we all feel that domestic violence is a very prevalent and important issue in our communities. Even though we are all from different places, we all know someone that has been affected by domestic violence. And it was also important for me personally to do it in the Bronx because I grew up there and I am connected to the community.

BFL: Tell us a bit about the volunteers and chefs involved. How did you all come together for this event?

Zack: When we came up with the idea I reached out to my old high school friend Jeffrey DeJesus, who accepted my offer immediately, even with his busy work schedule. After high school he took to the kitchen life and worked super hard to become a successful cook. He is now sous chef at Nom Wah Tu in Chinatown.

Maria Konder Reis is a chef (even though she likes the term ” cooker ” ) graduated from NGI ( Natural Gourmet Institute ), originally from Brazil, based in NYC for 12 year. She was/is always involved with some kind of voluntary / charity activity and was on board from day one. The other volunteers were my mother who is currently in law school and my sister, who runs a women’s healing arts collective in Brooklyn called Root Mama BK.

BFL: What was the experience like working with the tenants?

Zack:  The experience was very rewarding. We all felt like we were bringing a sense of unity and support for all of them, especially the children. The kids were really happy and the adults were very grateful and that made us truly happy.

BFL: What was a highlight of the day?

Zack: The highlight of the day was when everybody got together (BFL staff / tenants / Community Table NYC), bonding through food made with love and Brazilian music provided by Jeff Fox.

BFL: Are you open to coming back! Plus, our tenants are wondering if you would you share the recipe for the banana pudding? It was a crowd favorite.

Zack: Yes of course we are hoping to be back as soon as we can for another feast. And the banana pudding recipe we got it from online. Here is the link.

Holidays can traditionally be a time of family gatherings and celebrations. For individuals and families at Barrier Free Living’s Freedom House Emergency Shelter who have left an abusive situation, maintaining safety during the holiday season is crucial.

As an agency, Barrier Free Living provides counseling, case management, shelter and housing to people with disabilities, including survivors of domestic violence and homeless individuals. Freedom House is our emergency domestic violence shelter for individuals and families who are seeking temporary safety.

Following are the Freedom House team’s tips to keep the holiday season safe and joyful.

Don’t Avoid Planning for the Holiday’s
It may seem easier to ignore a holiday because the traditional activities and visits are not possible. This is an approach that can lead to sadness and isolation. Be proactive and create new traditions. Freedom House offers a variety of activities during the holiday season including a group holiday dinner, tree decorating day with cookies and milk, and a gift wrapping day. Residents are encouraged to talk about their feelings in individual sessions and at domestic violence support groups.

Talk to Children
Ultimately, it is important for the children at shelter to recognize that the violence occurred and that the family is now dedicated to remaining safe. For children it is important that they understand why they have to make changes in their life. It is equally important that they have the opportunity to celebrate the joys of the holiday and are allowed to be the children that they are. Often parents at Freedom House say that their child is constantly asking where the absent (abusive) parent is and when he/she is coming home. Some parents tell their children that the abusive parent is at work or with friends and will be home later. The problem is that later comes and the child asks again. Once a parent explains the situation as to why the family is in shelter the child understands and is able to start expressing their feelings around missing the absent parent and understanding why they can’t see him/her for the moment.

Meet Close Family and Friends in New Locations
Since it is unsafe to visit certain family and friends, meet in a safe location. For example, if a resident is very close with their mother who lives in Brooklyn, make arrangements to meet in a new location. This could be meeting for dinner or going to the park.

New Traditions
It is possible to maintain some holiday traditions, though others may be difficult to maintain. Visiting grandma on Thanksgiving may be unsafe. Visit a family or friend’s home in a safe neighborhood. If there are no safe alternatives, begin to establish “a family of choice.” We can’t choose our biological families, but we can choose to celebrate family events with others whose biological families are not available, dangerous or destructive.

Utilize Your Community
Community and Shelter sponsored events like a Thanksgiving dinner help to create community and fill a void in the season. This year Hearts of Gold (whose mission is to foster sustainable change in levels of self-sufficiency for homeless mothers and their children) is sponsoring Freedom House’s Thanksgiving and December Holiday parties. The Freedom House team also encourages residents to organize their own potluck events on the actual day of Thanksgiving, Christmas or other significant holidays. When residents have a sense that they are contributing to the celebration themselves, it can be empowering.

Holiday Parades and Events
There are certain parades and events in New York City that draw people from all boroughs and out of state. Our team asks residents to be extra cautious at large gatherings as it is impossible to know who could be attending. If a resident regularly goes to a parade, and is expected to be at that event, the team suggests that the resident does not attend. Instead, watch the parade on TV.

Holidays can be difficult – find someone to talk to for assistance:

Reach out for extra support from counselors, advocates, and, when they are not available, help lines.

Freedom House 212-400-6470

National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE

Life Net – 1-800- LIFENET

Safe Horizon – 1-800-621-HOPE

WANT MORE ARTICLES FROM BFL? INFO@BFLNYC.ORG 

Reprinted from the Barrier Free Living Breaking Barriers In Domestic Violence Newsletter